Wolf Blitzer

Pop quiz!  Is this a stage name?  Answer… nope!  This dude was really named Wolf Blitzer by his mother and father.  And thank goodness he decided to be a beard wearer.  Because what good would a man named Wolf be if he weren’t hairy?

George Clooney

Man, you gotta love the Clooney beard.  Especially in Syriana… that was a big beard fit for the big screen!  Clooney comes off as a guy who looks like he was born to wear a beard, and I’d say it’s probably because he a Kentucky boy, just like yours truly.  Damn, Kentucky, you really do churn out some handsome bearded men!

Jack Black

Jack’s beard really helps him set off his trademark “slacker” look.  Would his wild-eyed antics be as funny without a wild beard attached to his face?  Here’s the answer.  It’s “no.”  I mean, have you seen Shallow Hal?

Jim Carrey

Here’s a good counterpoint to Jack Black’s beard.  While Jack’s beard enhances his hilarity, Jim Carrey’s beard lends a notable gravitas to his persona.  Can you believe this is the same guy who got famous stuffing asparagus in his upper lip as Ace Ventura?  He looks like your biology professor!

Jim Henson

All joking aside, Jim Henson had a huge impact on my childhood.  I was a rabid Muppets fan, not only watching the television show, but also regularly reading my copy of “The Muppet Show Book.”  Someone as gentle and caring as Kermit could only have come from a sensitive bearded gentleman like Jim.  In contrast to the sweet childhood memories, another Henson project “The Dark Crystal” was the film of choice for many freaky “enhanced” viewings in my college days!

Justin Timberlake

I’m loving that JT is rockin’ the beard nowadays.  I think it’s well agreed that he is the best thing to come out of the boy band blight of the late 90’s/early 00’s.  Bravo to JT for shedding his baby-faced past by doing the exact opposite of shedding and putting more hair on his face.

Morgan Freeman

Anyone watch The Electric Company back in the late 70’s?  That show taught me how to read, no jokes!  And Morgan Freeman was a part of it.  That’s right, Morgan Freeman taught me how to read.  And then he taught me what a black president would be like in Deep Impact.  When a seven-mile-wide comet is streaking toward Earth, I’ll rest easy knowing that Obama has a top-secret spaceship under construction in orbit, ready to go blow it up, and a National Bunker being prepared in the Ozarks.  I just hope I am one of the 800,000 lucky ones who get chosen to take shelter.  Anyway, you really do have to love that silver beard.

Mel Gibson

For a racist drunk, this guy has a pretty good beard!  That crazy white streak is about as crazy as he is.  It’s like his chin mated with the Bride of Frankenstein.  I have to say, though, that the uniqueness of the beard is pretty enviable.  I hope when I go gray in the beard that it happens in some unforeseen fantastic way.  Like the gray parts actually spell out the word “beard” on my beard or something like that.

Viggo Mortenson

Not only does Aragorn actually occasionally wear an awesome beard in real life, but he’s also considered to be a modern Renaissance man.  In addition to being a truly good actor, he is also a painter, an accomplished photographer, and a poet.  He even started a publishing house for artists who are struggling to find a way to take their art to the masses.  This guy and his beard are so impressive, I can’t even think of anything funny to say about them.  Damn.

Randy Moss

Love him or hate him, Randy can grow a great mossy beard.  He’s from West Virginia so he has some of that beard desire that seeps through Appalachian culture.  You have to admit, there’s just something awesome about a football player who keeps surprises like this hidden under his helmet.  It’s like some sort of nougat-y center inside a hard candy shell.  Only the nougat is made of hair.

James Lipton, texting teens, and a removable beard… has there ever been a better set of public service announcements?

Seriously… why is that little dab of hair called a soul patch anyway?  I’ve just finished trying to research this and I can’t find any satifactory etymology of the phrase anywhere.  Here’s what I have been able to gather:

• “Soul Patch” was first included  in the Miriam Webster dictionary in 1991
• According to a source on the Wikipedia entry, jazz trumpeters of the 1950s and 1960s grew them for increased mouthpiece comfort.
• Also according to Wikipedia, Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, called the first soul patch he saw a “poor, frustrated beard.”

So my theory on the history of the soul patch goes like this.  It was the height of the 1950s jazz movement.  African-American jazz musicians were getting freaky and white counterculture ate it up.  They felt so cool and progressive hanging out at the club and grooving on the new sounds that were being made up on the spot.  In the midst of that jazz-induced euphoria, these kids noticed their idols wearing this little patch of hair under their bottom lip, not knowing what reason it served.  In an effort to be as cool as the cats on the stage, the guys that were caught up in the scene grew out a little patch to match… and the soul patch was introduced to the non-musicians of America.

That still doesn’t explain why it’s called a “soul” patch.  Soul music isn’t really an offspring of jazz.  Instead, it grew from African-American gospel crossed with rhythm-and-blues (R&B).  And while R&B and jazz can both claim the blues as a parent, it’s hard to detect any resemblance between the siblings.  An audible connection is even less present between soul music and its uncle jazz.  So, there’s just no soul in a soul patch.  I’m going to start calling it a “jazz patch.”  You should too.

Real soul music was made by guys with real beards.  Evidence:

Marvin Gaye?

Barry White?

Isaac Hayes?

There you have it.  There is simply no denying the soulfulness of the full beard.  You may think that little spot of hair under your lip gives you soul, but I’m pretty sure that the ladies aren’t feeling it.  You want to see a woman feel the effects of a full soul beard?  Play “Let’s Get It On” at your next house party.  I guarantee that at least one of the girls in attendance will swoon and start turning her mind toward certain things…

You want to look like you’re a lovin’ man?  Fill in the rest of your beard around that “poor, frustrated” jazz patch.

Whaaaa?!?!?  The sexiest man alive has a beard?

Believe it!

Johnny Depp has been sporting that closely-trimmed musketeer for years now… and apparently the ladies are diggin’ it.  I think Johnny is a great beard ambassador, and it’s not just because he and the Beard Coach are both Kentucky-born gentlemen.  The man is famous for doing his own thing, popularity be damned, and guess what… it’s only made him more popular.  Why more men aren’t following his lead, I can’t presume to know.  Take this to heart, boys… you can be yourself, grow your beard, and get the girl.

Another thing that stands out to me is this.  Johnny Depp’s beard isn’t that impressive.  If you look closely, it’s kind of patchy. His moustache doesn’t connect to his goatee.   Men who are afraid to grow out a less-than-perfect beard take note.  You can grow your beard and look good after all.  Just follow Johnny’s lead.  I’d bet dollars to dimes that the rest of his beard looks even more patchy, and that’s why he has chosen to wear the musketeer style.  However, he had the wisdom to grow it where it wants to grow, and you should too.  He said, “It’s okay that I can’t grow a full beard.  I’ll grow what I can and be confident in the results.”

And that’s the real lesson here, guys.  You can do whatever the hell you want to with your face as long as you do it with confience.  That’s what is sexy to women.  If you keep your confidence level bigger than your beard… if you wear that thing with pride and approach a woman knowing that she’s going to dig your originality, I guarantee that you will find yourself a good woman.  It may not happen on the first, second, or even tenth woman you talk to, but if you keep confidence in the good person that you are, you will eventually strike gold.  Hell, you may even win over the world.  Just ask Johnny Depp.

After finishing this month’s Outside magazine article on David de Rothschild, I felt compelled to share his story with you, my dear Beard Coach friends.  I hope the brief bio below motivates you to grow the best beard you can, broaden your horizons, and take action for a cause you feel passionately about.

If you’ve read The Beard Manifesto, you know I am obsessed with the idea of bringing the Renaissance man back, updated for the 21st century. A modern Renaissance man has to be a well-rounded generalist like his predecessor; yet, his interests must lie not in the ancient world of Latin translation and Aristotle, but rather in how to better the current world situation. And of course, he must do it all with a handsome beard.

First, let me present a bit of background information on David de Rothschild to get you up to speed.  He is the youngest of three children born into the well-known and incredibly rich Rothschild banking family of England.  As a result of his wealthy British upbringing, he became an accomplished horseman by age fourteen.  He attended university at Oxford Brookes (not The Oxford, but hey…) and graduated with honors with dual degree in Political Science and Information Systems.  After graduation, he proceeded to earn an advanced diploma in Natural Medicine from the College of Naturopathic Medicine in London.  After this graduation, he went on to try out a career in music merchandising.  Not only did he take off in this unlikely direction, he also purchased an organic farm in New Zealand in 2001.

Let’s pause a moment and chalk up the titles this generalist can claim.

• Equestrian
• Political Scientist
• Information Systems Specialist
• Natural Healer
• Merchandiser
• Farmer

In 2005, David discovered his true calling, founding his environmental organization Adventure Ecology.  The main focus of this organization is to raise awareness of global environmental issues through adventure expeditions.  In 2006, he crossed from Russia to Canada through the Arctic to raise awareness about the fragility of the Arctic climate.  Because he previously traversed Antarctica on a personal expedition, he became one of only 42 people ever to reach both the north and south poles.  In 2007, he led a trip to Ecuador to document the damage that international oil companies are causing to that country’s tropical ecosystem.

His current project is the Plastiki, a sailboat made of used plastic bottles and other recycled plastics.  David plans to sail this plastic boat from San Francisco to Sydney, Australia, via the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, an area estimated to be twice the size of Texas in which bits of plastic suspended in the water outnumber plankton by a ratio of six to one.  Not only is this project raising awareness of the huge problem of plastic waste, but it is also offering a possible partial solution.  His boat design team is making use of a new material abbreviated srPET.  It has the properties of fiberglass, but is made of recycled plastic.  If the material holds up to this rigorous field test, it could take the place of many rotomolded plastics, thus reducing the introduction of new plastics into an already overwhelming abundance.

So now we can also chalk up the following titles David can claim.

• Adventurer
• Environmental Activist

As you can see, David de Rothschild is an extremely well-rounded man with a passion for improving the world around him.  In interviews, he comes off as incredibly well-spoken, but not overly well-heeled, and as you can see in his photo, he wears a beard quite well indeed.  In the quest to increase the number of bearded Renaissance men in today’s society, David serves as an iconic example.  Although we may come from much more modest means, we can all take his story as an inspiration to broaden our knowledge base as much as we can in our respective areas of interest and use that knowledge for the good of our world.