The Beard Coach

Dear President Obama,

As we Americans are well aware, you ran for office on the idea of bringing change to our nation. Your actions have proven that this was not an empty campaign promise and that you are willing to experiment and take risks in order to improve our country. We humbly submit an idea that could very well change the face of the United States, quite literally in fact.

No president since Benjamin Harrison has worn a full beard. It has been 116 years since he left office in 1893. The entire twentieth century passed without the slightest shadow touching an American president’s noble chin. This is a travesty. A man’s beard signifies strength, wisdom, and power – all qualities that the President must possess in order to be successful. Mister President, we strongly urge you to grow a beard.

Many world leaders wear beards. Unfortunately, beards seem to be more prevalent on leaders of nations with whom we have strained relations, such as President Ahmadinejad. However, respectable presidents can wear beards as well, for example Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva of Brazil. Think of the impact your beard would have on world politics. Seeing one of the most powerful world leaders with a beard would ease some of the tension between the world’s bearded and non-bearded leaders.

Mister President, let us speak frankly. You are probably the “coolest” president we may ever have. As proponents of the beard, we ask you to use your cool points to help out the cause, the fight to end beard discrimination. In this extremely competitive job market, we fear that qualified men are being passed over for certain jobs simply because of their facial hair. A presidential beard would help eliminate that source of difficulty that some of our bearded brethren currently face.

Refuse to shave until you end the recession. Refuse to shave until our current conflicts have been resolved. Grow a beard, Mister President. Grow it to let your inner wisdom shine. Grow it to fulfill your promise of change. Grow it because it is the right thing to do.

Sincerely,
The Undersigned

Coach Adam,

Dan,

Patrick Sexson,

The Bearded Lady,

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Daniel Hartis,

Jared Bell,

Ed Risbey,

Andy Mikula,

Michael Fernandez,

Tom Lee-Gough,

Steven Spurlock,

wayne poirier,

Devon Blunden,

Charlie Shelton,

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Anthony W. Deal,

Robert LaFleur,

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Justin Fuller,

Topher Silky,

Ned von Bundle,

Egor Brus,

Marc Caterina,

allison garguilo,

Jon Applebaum,

Kevin Stephenson,

Gísli Garðarsson,

Ryan Burk,

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Travis Mick,

Chris Smith,

Mikey,

Frankie O\'Malley,

Mike Adams,

Josh Juice Welch,

Michael Feltman,

Casey Fergus,

Kyle Henshaw,

Dan Wheeler,

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Lucy Williams,

Daniel Richard,

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Michael Mooney,

Ivan Lazarov,

Ian Black,

Ryan Patrick Gilbert,

jeff graffio,

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Scott Swartzbaugh,

Aaron Free,

Jack Balduf,

James,

Tyler Johnson,

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Richard Keefer,

Marcus Howell,

Collin Hoffman,

Brother Jason M. McEwan,

Alex Byrne,

Mordechai Schleider,

Kevin Woody,

Morgan D. Strasser,

David Della Vecchia,

Tom Majerski,

Andreas Slocinski,

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mandyJo Reinier,

cole flodin,

Nicholas Charbonnet,

Neal Wagner,

Jacqueline Applewhite,

Tom Mitchell,

Jeremy Brewer,