Picture this: You are walking down the canned goods aisle at the grocery, holding your little plastic basket and trying to remember if the jars of artichoke hearts would be in this aisle or with the other jarred things like pickles or olives.  Suddenly you hear the subdued laughter of what sounds like a young woman of perhaps high school age.  You casually look over to see your hunch confirmed as the girl asks perkily, “Can I touch your beard?”

Hmm… what am I supposed to do in this situation?  What are the girl’s motives?  Is she really beard-curious?  Or is there a passel of her peers nearby looking on expectantly?  The girl’s pretty young looking… is this even legal?

Now picture this: You’re kicking it in a dimly lit booth at your local brewpub downing delicious craft-brewed pale ales with three of your good friends.  The conversation has been at times as bawdy as it has been intellectual.  As you wipe another moustache full of beer foam from your lip, your friend sitting next to you asks out of the blue, “Dude, can I touch your beard?”

Whoa… that’s pretty random.  I’ve had this beard for years and he’s never asked to touch the thing… what’s up?  Is he thinking of growing one himself?  If so, then for sure he can touch it.  Has he finally worked up the courage to come out as a homosexual by flirting with me?  He knows I have a girlfriend!

As you can see, the issue of allowing others to touch your beard can be quite a quandary.  One one hand, you want to be the consummate beard ambassador and will do anything within reason to encourage others to grow.  On the other, it can be hard to gauge the person’s motives, and since you obviously take your beard seriously, you don’t want to end up the object of a joke or the conduit for the fulfillment of a dare.  This is, of course, assuming that the person has even asked at all rather than suddenly lurching for your face with his or her grubby hands.  Wearing a beard can be a perilous thing, fraught with complexities.

While the above situations are fictitious, in my days of being bearded, I have encountered moments that are similar to these.  I’ve had high school girls who were my students at the time ask to touch my beard.  I’ve had lifelong friends in a fit of drunken mirth ask to touch my beard.  I’ve had casual acquaintances completely disregard courtesy and just reach out and make hand-to-beard contact.

What have I done in all these situations?  Happily let the person have a closer inspection. Every time.  Why?  Because it means they are sincerely curious about beardedness.  If they were repulsed, they would want nothing to do with my beard!  So if I let a person satisfy that urge to see what a robust beard feels like under hand, and they see how soft beards actually can be, then I think I’ve helped them chalk up a pro-beard point in their minds.  So what if it’s a little awkward?  It only takes a second, but the experience will stick with them for much longer.  That’s my advice to you, big beard wearers.  Joyfully allow others to investigate your beard and leave them with a positive experience to remember.

Lastly, my advice to you folks who have always wanted to see what a puffy beard feels like is this.  Politely ask a bearded guy who you have spoken to at length at least once if you may touch his beard.  Do not take liberties and do not ask a stranger.  Understand that a person’s facial area is a very personal space, even when it has a big beard on it.  If you abide by these simple rules, you should finally get to see just how great all that fuzziness is to touch.

I recently replied to an email from a newly-bearded gentleman who posed a question that I knew would be relevant to a lot of you guys.  Here’s the text of the email:

Hey boss,

I'm about three weeks into my beard growing excursion, and I've noticed though I have
extremely dry flaky skin under the beard, which was never an issue beardless, so
it's not a skin condition or anything. I was just wondering if you knew anything good
to help without rubbing big globs of moisturizer into it, as attractive as that is.

Thanks Alot,
Mike

Now, I’ve been lucky in that I haven’t had to deal with this myself, but I know Mike isn’t the only guy dealing with this issue.  I’m afraid that if I can’t help you find a way to avoid the dryness and the flakes, you’ll give up on those bearded dreams.  That would be a disaster!  What kind of coach would I be if I let that happen?  So I did a bit of research on the topic… and I’ve come up with three potential solutions to share with you.

Solution 1: Take a cooler shower

Man, nothing feels better than a long hot shower on a wintry day.  Too bad that steamy heat robs your skin of its natural oils.  It seems a bit counter-intuitive that water can dry out your skin, but that’s truly what happens.  So if your under-beard skin is feeling dried out, try turning the hot water knob a bit back to the right net time you shower.  Your solution could be as simple as that.

Solution 2: Stop soaping your beard

If you’ve just grown a beard, you are probably used to just washing your face with the same bar of soap you use for the rest of yourself.  If you’re a man of routine, you’re probably trying to keep up that habit even though your face has undeniably changed.  Using a cheap body soap on your beard can dry out the skin under it causing that unsightly flaking.  Do you use a bar of soap on your head?  Isn’t your beard made of hair too?  Make a new habit of putting a little extra shampoo in your hands and washing your beard along with your head hair.  It’s all connected, so it really makes a lot of sense.  If your regular shampoo doesn’t do the trick, you can step it up and try a different shampoo for your beard.  Find one that includes vitamin B or E.  A lot of times these are marketed as dandruff shampoos.  So even if you don’t have dandruff in the beard, don’t be afraid to use the old Head and Shoulders.

Solution 3: Completely dry your beard

For new beard wearers, it can be surprising how well those hairs retain moisture from your washing routine.  You can give your beard a little towel dry, and it will surprise you with a random drip a few minutes later.  If you have hard water this is problematic for your skin.  The minerals in hard water, if they linger, can be quite detrimental to your skin’s health.  So don’t just give your beard a quick little brush with the towel.  Really dig in there and fluff the hell out of it.  Even better, if you have the time, treat your beard to a little blow dry.  Pamper yourself.

There you go!  Three easy solutions to try if your under-beard skin gets a little dry and flaky.  If they work for you, leave a comment and let the rest of the bearded world know about your success!

James Lipton, texting teens, and a removable beard… has there ever been a better set of public service announcements?

Think you have a great beard and/or moustache?  Prove it!

My new friends at Misprint Magazine are hosting their fourth annual beard contest at The Mohawk in Austin, TX, on February 19, 2010.

I have been assured by the creators of Misprint that this thing has a huge awesomeness factor. Be forewarned, it is by no means a serious beard competition…. more like a reason to get together, have some drinks, hear some music, and be astounded by how many amazing beards there are out there.

I have a feeling this picture sums up the night pretty well.

Triumphant rejoicing? Check. PBR? Check. DJ with fuzzy animal ears? Mega-Check.

If you’ll have a beard by the 19th and can get to Austin by any means possible, you need to do this.