Seriously… why is that little dab of hair called a soul patch anyway?  I’ve just finished trying to research this and I can’t find any satifactory etymology of the phrase anywhere.  Here’s what I have been able to gather:

• “Soul Patch” was first included  in the Miriam Webster dictionary in 1991
• According to a source on the Wikipedia entry, jazz trumpeters of the 1950s and 1960s grew them for increased mouthpiece comfort.
• Also according to Wikipedia, Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, called the first soul patch he saw a “poor, frustrated beard.”

So my theory on the history of the soul patch goes like this.  It was the height of the 1950s jazz movement.  African-American jazz musicians were getting freaky and white counterculture ate it up.  They felt so cool and progressive hanging out at the club and grooving on the new sounds that were being made up on the spot.  In the midst of that jazz-induced euphoria, these kids noticed their idols wearing this little patch of hair under their bottom lip, not knowing what reason it served.  In an effort to be as cool as the cats on the stage, the guys that were caught up in the scene grew out a little patch to match… and the soul patch was introduced to the non-musicians of America.

That still doesn’t explain why it’s called a “soul” patch.  Soul music isn’t really an offspring of jazz.  Instead, it grew from African-American gospel crossed with rhythm-and-blues (R&B).  And while R&B and jazz can both claim the blues as a parent, it’s hard to detect any resemblance between the siblings.  An audible connection is even less present between soul music and its uncle jazz.  So, there’s just no soul in a soul patch.  I’m going to start calling it a “jazz patch.”  You should too.

Real soul music was made by guys with real beards.  Evidence:

Marvin Gaye?

Barry White?

Isaac Hayes?

There you have it.  There is simply no denying the soulfulness of the full beard.  You may think that little spot of hair under your lip gives you soul, but I’m pretty sure that the ladies aren’t feeling it.  You want to see a woman feel the effects of a full soul beard?  Play “Let’s Get It On” at your next house party.  I guarantee that at least one of the girls in attendance will swoon and start turning her mind toward certain things…

You want to look like you’re a lovin’ man?  Fill in the rest of your beard around that “poor, frustrated” jazz patch.

I recently received a nice gift in honor of the new year from a loyal member of the Beard Coach Army.  Kai “Longbeard” Cofer is a fantastic beard poet whose work appears on it’s very own page here.  He was nice enough to share these verses with me, and I felt compelled to pass them along to you.  Enjoy!

MY DAD’S LONG BEARD
When I was five, I asked my dad,
“Why do you shave your face?”
He said, “I do not know, my boy.
It does seem out of place.
I really don’t like shaving. It’s
Unnatural and weird.”
I said, “I’d like it very much
If you would grow a beard.”

At first it was all stubbly
But then it grew and grew.
At last it was a proper beard
After a month or two.
“Should I let it grow longer, son?
I’ll do what you think best.”
By the time that I was seven
His beard was to his chest.

“Is this beard long enough, my boy?
Perhaps not, don’t you think?
And if I were to shave it now
I’d clog the bathroom sink.
For you I’ll grow it longer, son.”
And so he did post haste.
And by the time that was ten
It hung down to his waist.

My dad he kept on growing it.
He grew it to his thighs.
He entered many beard contests
And always won first prize.
“Perhaps I ought to shave today.”
He’d often like to tease.
By the time I entered High School
His beard was past his knees.

And now that I am twenty-one,
I cannot help but grin.
I think about my dad’s long beard
And stroke my bearded chin.
I want a beard just like my dad’s
A beard down to the floor.
It represents the love we share
Now and forevermore.

The Beard Coach’s Holiday Beard Song – Download the MP3

Happy Holidays, dear Beard Coach friends!  Please click the link above for my special gift to you! Lyrics for singing along around the fireplace can be found below…

“Jingle Beard”
Dashing through the snow
Your face gets really cold
But don’t buy a scarf
The best warmth isn’t sold
Just put your razor down
Let your face do its thing
And soon you’ll have a natural way
To tame that icy sting

Grow a beard
Grow a beard
Winter’s finally here
You’re just six weeks
From warmer cheeks
And that deserves a cheer… Hey!
Grow a beard
Grow a beard
Winter’s finally here
You’re just six weeks
From warmer cheeks
And a more hirsute New Year!

You’ve made your Christmas list
Of things you’d like to own
But you know deep inside
Your best gift is grown
Just take yourself a look
At jolly old Saint Nick
He’s always got a smile
Because his beard is nice and thick

Grow a beard
Grow a beard
Winter’s finally here
You’re just six weeks
From warmer cheeks
And that deserves a cheer… Hey!
Grow a beard
Grow a beard
Winter’s finally here
You’re just six weeks
From warmer cheeks
And a more hirsute New Year!

So the other day I was thinking about my nemisis, the shaving industry.  Running through all the brand names in my mind, like a tormented kid who feverishly pores over his list of bullies fantasizing about revenge, I remembered a brand of shaving cream that my dad would use on the non-bearded parts of his face.  Barbasol.

I remeber the can was decorated in the spiraling strpes of a barber pole, assumingly in an attempt to portray a sense of well-groomed-ness.  I guess it worked on Dad, and I must admit, it did indeed help him keep nicely defined beard borders.

But this is all beside the point.  The point is, having learned the Spanish language to a solid intermediate level, it dawned upon me as I thought of the Barbasol brand name that it has a hidden meaning.  “Barba” is Spanish for beard.  “Sol” is Spanish for sun.  So essentially the brand name is “Beard Sun.”

That conjured up a great mental image that I felt compelled to bring into the world in full glory.  Below I present to you an original piece of art created by me, Coach Adam.  It is, of course, entitled “Barbasol.”

I’m really on the fence about this Swedish ad for McDonald’s coffee. On one hand, I love to see this guy popping out of his own beard. On the other, I have a general distaste for all things McDonald’s.

Is McD’s mocking the beard here or are they pro beard?
Are they exploiting the counter-culture aspect of the beard to make their product stand out?
Is it just good clean fun?

I guess my overall reaction is positive since I generally love weirdness. If this commercial had been for a small company I might feel better about it… maybe really enjoy it. I’m just not sure I can comfortably let McDonald’s use the coolness of the beard for their profits.

What do you think?