It’s time once again for one of the most important posts of the year.  Maybe the most important.  We bearded men can feel a bit restricted when Halloween rolls around.  No Frankenstein’s monster.  No Dracula.  Certainly no cross dressing.  What’s a real man to do?

Maybe dress as one of these amazing characters.  You know… the ones that other people have to buy terrible fake beards for.

#1 Grizzly Adams

Items Needed

• Fur Coat
• Thermal Underwear shirt (henley style)
• Suspenders
• Brown wool pants
• Bear tooth/claw necklace
• Long hair wig (probably)

If you’re like me, you have a beard, are named Adam, and you get called this by pretty much every person over 35 that you meet.  You may as well go for it, dude!  The costume should be pretty easy to pull togther from a trip to the thrift store.  Just don’t forget that your beard is basically the star of this costume.  You can comb in some sticky hair gel and then dust with cornstarch to add some gray streaks to it.  Oh and don’t forget to do like Griz Ad and frickin part your beard!

#2 Uncle Jesse

Items Needed

• Red cap (ear flaps preferred)
• Tan work shirt
• Denim overalls
• Beard-graying materials mentioned above (if needed)

If you read “Uncle Jesse” and thought of Stamos, you are the wrong person for this costume.  We’re talking the original Uncle Jesse – played by the great Denver Pyle – the lovable curmudgeon from Hazzard County, people!  This one is a three-item special.  There’s pretty much no reason not to throw this costume together for Halloween.  Get your girl to dress up like Daisy Duke and you’ve got a couples costume that will surely please.  Or get your clean shaven friends to be Bo and Luke.  Hell, have a Dukes-themed party any time of the year!

#3 Grigori Rasputin

Items needed

• Black monk’s robe
• Long hair wig (if needed)
• Crazy look in your eyes
• Russian accent

Sometimes a bearded guy needs a creepier costume instead of a hilarious one.  Rasputin has one of the most insane life stories you will ever hear about.  Basically the guy supposedly had magic healing powers, was caretaker of the Tsar’s frequently-ill kids and BFFs with his wife, slept with too many women, drank way too much, and had to be killed multiple times in a row like Jason or Freddy.  What???  Legendary.

#4 Peter Griffin From The Episode Of Family Guy Where He Grows A Beard And Birds Nest In It

Items Needed

• Green slacks
• White button-up shirt
• Round glasses
• Blanket for stuffing (amount may vary)
• Fake (or real) baby birds

This episode of Family Guy is a classic!  People will instantly crack up at this costume, guaranteed.  Like the others, it’s pretty easy to assemble as well.  Note that I listed a blanket rather than a pillow for fat stuffing.  Based on my past experience of dressing as a fat middle-aged woman from a Richard Simmons workout video, I can attest that wrapping a blanket around your midsection is much more realistic looking than just a pillow stuffed in the front.  One more important tip… when affixing the birds to your beard, avoid the hot glue gun.

#5 Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Items Needed

• 2 by 4
• American Flag
• Spandex bibs or pants
• Knee high wrestler boots

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! What child of the 80s doesn’t fondly remember ol’ Hacksaw Jim Duggan?  This guy is the epitome of classic WWF wrestling.  Chants of “U-S-A” echoing from the rafters of the arena as he stomps his way down the aisle, American flag over one shoulder and a 2 by 4 over the other… Hacksaw jumps into the ring, lifts his right thumb high into the air and lets out his Hacksaw Howl… “HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”  He was always the guy taking on the Iron Sheik or any other character from a country we were being conditioned to dislike.  You could always count on Hacksaw to line up in his three-point stance and deliever the final blow, vanquishing the enemies of the good ol’ U S of A.

If for some reason, you don’t think these are the hit bearded costumes of the year, check out last year’s ideas.  Pick your favorite, suit up, and have a great Halloween!

So, I finally joined the ranks of 21st-century gamers and bought myself a Playstation 3.  I had been putting off the purchase until I actually had an HDTV that could take advantage of the PS3’s impressive powers.  Well, last month, my very cool wife decided that a flat screen television would be a nice house warming gift to ourselves, and my birthday last weekend gave me license to finally make the purchase I’d been waiting to make since I played Little Big Planet until 4 am at my friend Chris’s house a couple years ago.

In anticipation of said purchase, I did some online game shopping to get an idea of what fun was in store for me as I entered the 8th generation of game consoles.  One of the first games that popped up in my search held a fantastic surprise…

Whoa! The main character in the newest Medal of Honor game has a giant beard!

I usually don’t play first-person shooters, mainly because I suck at them and don’t find being repeatedly shot or exploded very enjoyable.  If my character had a giant beard, however, that may change things up a bit.  Could this be my first FPS game purchase?  I mean, how can you not want to be this guy for an hour or two?

The game is set in Afghanistan, and it turns out that this character is modeled after a real special forces operative named Cowboy who was spotlighted in Life magazine back at the beginning of the Afghanistan War.  Some people might be skeptical that the US military would allow such an outlandish beard, but when you need your personnel to blend into the background, and that background is made up of bearded men, you bend the rules a little.   Check out this image of the real Cowboy for comparison.

Anyway, this got me wondering about other bearded video game characters.  The only two I could come up with are these guys.

Doctor Light from Mega Man

Barret Wallace from Final Fantasy VII

Two more awesome characters with awesome beards, for sure, but I know you can come up with some more.  Feel free to comment and add your favorite bearded video game character to the list!

This installment of my “how-to” video series addresses the issue of trimming your beard after it has gotten too long for the electric clippers.  Free-hand scissor trimming is a scary thing if you have never tried it before, and I hope this video will instill confidence and provide a couple tips based on how I trim my beard.

When you watch the video, you will notice that it looks as though I am not even cutting the hair.  This drives home the point I make about not taking too much off at once.  Just set aside a chunk of time and take it slowly.

Lastly, I apologize for the two-part video.  My memory card hit capacity before I was finished trimming, and a beard trimming video is definitely a one-take shoot.  Thanks for taking the time to watch both parts of the video to get the maximum benefit.

Okay, let’s get trimming!

Dang, guys, I seem to be having a bit of trouble getting some new beard advice posted these days.  I’ve also been rather distracted with a new project I’m starting up, as well as working on a couple new t-shirt designs.

Soon, my friends, I will produce more of the beard-related goodness you’ve become accustomed to.  I sincerely apologize and offer the following entertaining YouTube find in place of a bouquet of flowers as a token of my gratitude for your unending patience and your undying loyalty.

James Lipton, texting teens, and a removable beard… has there ever been a better set of public service announcements?