Happy 2011!

It’s time for New Year’s resolutions, people.  Maybe you’d like to be less fat.  Maybe you’d like to be more fat.  Maybe you need to give up the drinking.  Maybe you need to read more historical fiction.  Whatever.  Frankly, I don’t really care what resolutions you have made up to this point.  All I care about is that you tack one more resolution on to your list.

Grow the most epic beard of your life.

All the other resolutions may fall by the wayside, but you must stay true to this goal.  Like anyone who undertakes a great challenge, you’ll need support.  People trying to get in shape may have a trainer.  People trying to lose weight can find support in family and friends.  When you’re trying to grow a beard, a source of support may not be as readily available.  Sadly, many of your friends and family may even attempt to discourage you and try to derail the beard train.

But don’t despair.  You have the Beard Coach.

The very first thing you need to do is to download and read (or re-read) the Beard Manifesto.  It’s probably the greatest free e-book on the Internet, and it has inspired a great many men to strive for their greatest beard ever

And that’s truly the goal… to grow your best beard.  I certainly don’t claim to have the best beard in the world.  But I do have the best beard that I can grow.

It doesn’t even have to be a full beard.  If you can’t connect your moustache to your beard, then so be it!  Keep them separate.  It’ll look better than you think.  If your cheeks grow out all patchy, then wear a chinstrap or a circle beard.  The point is to join us, the gentlemen of the bearded brotherhood… in whatever way you can.  2011 is your beard year.  Seize it!

Read the Beardifesto. Email it to your sad, smooth-cheeked friends.  And, if you or your friends end up needing extra support growing your first real beard, use the form on this page to sign up for my email coaching course.  I’d never sell another bearded man’s info, so sign up with confidence.  I’ll make sure growing a beard is the one New Year’s resolution you actually keep!

It’s time once again for one of the most important posts of the year.  Maybe the most important.  We bearded men can feel a bit restricted when Halloween rolls around.  No Frankenstein’s monster.  No Dracula.  Certainly no cross dressing.  What’s a real man to do?

Maybe dress as one of these amazing characters.  You know… the ones that other people have to buy terrible fake beards for.

#1 Grizzly Adams

Items Needed

• Fur Coat
• Thermal Underwear shirt (henley style)
• Suspenders
• Brown wool pants
• Bear tooth/claw necklace
• Long hair wig (probably)

If you’re like me, you have a beard, are named Adam, and you get called this by pretty much every person over 35 that you meet.  You may as well go for it, dude!  The costume should be pretty easy to pull togther from a trip to the thrift store.  Just don’t forget that your beard is basically the star of this costume.  You can comb in some sticky hair gel and then dust with cornstarch to add some gray streaks to it.  Oh and don’t forget to do like Griz Ad and frickin part your beard!

#2 Uncle Jesse

Items Needed

• Red cap (ear flaps preferred)
• Tan work shirt
• Denim overalls
• Beard-graying materials mentioned above (if needed)

If you read “Uncle Jesse” and thought of Stamos, you are the wrong person for this costume.  We’re talking the original Uncle Jesse – played by the great Denver Pyle – the lovable curmudgeon from Hazzard County, people!  This one is a three-item special.  There’s pretty much no reason not to throw this costume together for Halloween.  Get your girl to dress up like Daisy Duke and you’ve got a couples costume that will surely please.  Or get your clean shaven friends to be Bo and Luke.  Hell, have a Dukes-themed party any time of the year!

#3 Grigori Rasputin

Items needed

• Black monk’s robe
• Long hair wig (if needed)
• Crazy look in your eyes
• Russian accent

Sometimes a bearded guy needs a creepier costume instead of a hilarious one.  Rasputin has one of the most insane life stories you will ever hear about.  Basically the guy supposedly had magic healing powers, was caretaker of the Tsar’s frequently-ill kids and BFFs with his wife, slept with too many women, drank way too much, and had to be killed multiple times in a row like Jason or Freddy.  What???  Legendary.

#4 Peter Griffin From The Episode Of Family Guy Where He Grows A Beard And Birds Nest In It

Items Needed

• Green slacks
• White button-up shirt
• Round glasses
• Blanket for stuffing (amount may vary)
• Fake (or real) baby birds

This episode of Family Guy is a classic!  People will instantly crack up at this costume, guaranteed.  Like the others, it’s pretty easy to assemble as well.  Note that I listed a blanket rather than a pillow for fat stuffing.  Based on my past experience of dressing as a fat middle-aged woman from a Richard Simmons workout video, I can attest that wrapping a blanket around your midsection is much more realistic looking than just a pillow stuffed in the front.  One more important tip… when affixing the birds to your beard, avoid the hot glue gun.

#5 Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Items Needed

• 2 by 4
• American Flag
• Spandex bibs or pants
• Knee high wrestler boots

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! What child of the 80s doesn’t fondly remember ol’ Hacksaw Jim Duggan?  This guy is the epitome of classic WWF wrestling.  Chants of “U-S-A” echoing from the rafters of the arena as he stomps his way down the aisle, American flag over one shoulder and a 2 by 4 over the other… Hacksaw jumps into the ring, lifts his right thumb high into the air and lets out his Hacksaw Howl… “HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”  He was always the guy taking on the Iron Sheik or any other character from a country we were being conditioned to dislike.  You could always count on Hacksaw to line up in his three-point stance and deliever the final blow, vanquishing the enemies of the good ol’ U S of A.

If for some reason, you don’t think these are the hit bearded costumes of the year, check out last year’s ideas.  Pick your favorite, suit up, and have a great Halloween!

It’s true!  I’ve done quite a bit of observational study on this issue and have come to this conclusion: the longer your moustache, the fuller your beard will be perceived.  You can leave your beard the same length it has always been.  If you want people to really be impressed by the fullness of your beard, all you have to do is let that ’stache grow.

Let me speculate a bit as to the reason why.  I have to say that the robustness of a man’s beard is inversely proportional to the amount of his mouth left unobscured.  By that I mean, the less of your lips we can see, the bigger your beard seems.  The thing is, the hair on your chin has nothing to do with this!  Thus many people will look at your hidden mouth and think, “Dang, that’s a big beard!”  When in actuality the cheek and chin hairs may be barely longer than an electric trimmer guard.  I

Here’s how dedicated I am to your beard dedication.  I had a nice long moustache to compliment my beard just moments earlier. But to illustrate my point, I set my electric clippers to a 6 and knocked the ’stache back, taking “before” and “after” pictures for your comparison.  As you can see from the pics below, the effect is most pronounced when the beard is viewed in profile; although, this could just be an attribute of my own beard and not a universal truth.  Keep in mind that I did not touch my beard at all between photos (although I could probably use a little tidying around the edges.)

BEFORE

AFTER

What do you think?  Can you see a difference?

(Time to start growing that sweet ’stache back…)

A recent issue of Outside magazine contained an “Editors’ Choice Awards” article in which the editors listed all the greatest things they could think of.  Some examples of things listed are sledding, PBR, great survivial stories, and rope swings.  However, it was number two on the list that caught my attention – winter beards.

Now anyone who has read my Beard Manifesto knows what I think of the winter beard.  And now so do the subscribers of Outside.  Because I wrote the editors and told them what’s up.  And guess what?  They recognized the wisdom and knew that it was worth sharing with their readers.

You’ll notice they chose not to cite me as the source (probably because they saw through my obvious efforts to sneak in free promotion for the site).  However, you’ll notice a certain original phrase I also used in The Manifesto.

So now, I present you with the first words from the Beard Coach ever published in a mainstream magazine.

I recently received a comment here at The Beard Coach regarding bald patches in the beard.  However this did not pertain to the more common problem of having areas that just never really filled in as well as the rest of your beard.  This gentleman had already enjoyed a good 17 years of a thick, robust beard, only to find that he is slowly developing new bald patches in his beard on either side of his chin.

You can imagine how terrible this would be if it happened to you!

I did a bit of research into the problem and found some valuable information to pass along so that anyone suffering this distressing development can put his mind at ease to some extent.  The condition has a medical name – alopecia areata barbae.  It can happen to anyone at any age and the reasons for the disease’s development have not been pinned down by science just yet.  Here is what wikipedia has to say about the causes.

“Alopecia areata is noncommunicable, or not contagious.^[2] It occurs more frequently in people who have affected family members, suggesting that heredity may be a factor.^[2] Strong evidence that genes may increase risk for alopecia areata was found by studying families with two or more affected members. This study identified at least four regions in the genome that are likely to contain alopecia areata genes.^[7] In addition, it is slightly more likely to occur in people who have relatives with autoimmune diseases.^[6]

The condition is thought to be an autoimmune disorder in which the body attacks its own hair follicles and suppresses or stops hair growth.^[2] There is evidence that T cell lymphocytes cluster around these follicles, causing inflammation and subsequent hair loss. An unknown environmental trigger such as emotional stress or a pathogen is thought to combine with hereditary factors to cause the condition.^[4] There are a few recorded cases of babies being born with congenital alopecia areata; however, these are not cases of autoimmune disease because an infant is born without a fully developed immune system.”

Another interesting study suggests that alopecia areata barbae could also be an indicator of an infected tooth.

“We have found that bald patches caused by tooth infection are not always in the same place. They normally appear on a line projected from the dental infection and can thus can be located on the face at the level of the maxillary teeth, above a line through the lip-angle to the scalp, beard, or even to the eyebrow.”

So it appears that this condition is not preventable due to the lack of understanding of its causes.  That begs the question… is it curable?

The good news is that in the majority of cases, the hair fully grows back on its own.  However, the time frame is unpredictable.  It could be weeks, months, or years.  For severe cases, it appears that a doctor can prescribe a steroid regimen to slow the spread of the bald patch.  Minoxidil, commonly known by the brand name Rogaine, can also be used in a treatment plan.  However, any of the drugs prescribed would carry the possibility of side effects, so it may be best simply to wait it out.

To summarize, although your beard bald spots are a reason to feel upset, don’t feel too upset because they may be the result of increased stress level anyway!  Visit a dermatologist (and perhaps a dentist as well) to get a professional opinion.  It’s not normal for a healthy beard to start falling to pieces, so listen to what your body is trying to tell you in its ever-so-dramatic fashion.