A Mathematical Beard Theory


Recently I’ve been thinking about some mathematical theories regarding beard growth that I’d like to share with you.  Personally, I enjoy math and how it relates to nearly every aspect of life in some way.  Math is great for modeling real phenomena.  Let’s look at how it relates to beards.

The average rate of growth for human facial hair is ½ inch per month.  That means that if you completed the one-month coaching course offered here at The Beard Coach you’d be sporting ½ inch of hair on your face.  That’s a pretty good beard!

Again, the growth rate is a constant ½ inch per month.  In other words, your beard’s length is directly proportional to the time you’ve been growing it.  You can use an equation to model your beard’s growth.  Assuming you are the average beard grower, that equation is

L = 0.5t

Where L represents the length of your beard in inches and t represents the time it has been growing in months.  We can visualize this relationship via the graph below.  The horizontal axis is time t and the vertical axis is length L.

Beard Growth is Linear

Using the graph or equation, it’s easy to see that if you grow your beard for 2 months, you get a one-inch beard, and if you grow a full year you’ll have an exceptional six-inch beard.  This is pretty basic, so let’s theorize a bit.

Using the same set of axes, let the horizontal axis continue to represent time t.  However, let’s have the vertical axis work double duty.  Now it not only represents the length of your beard but it is also a multiplier of your awesomeness.   For example, a point located at a height of 5 on the vertical axis would represent your being 5 times as awesome as you are now.  Of course, a height of 1 represents your normal awesomeness level.

My theory is that awesomeness does not grow linearly with time as beard length does.  Rather, the relationship is exponential.  Based on absolutely no data at all, I’ve completely made up a growth factor of 1.25 for our exponential relationship.  That means every month of growth makes you 25% more awesome than you were the previous month.  If we let A represent the Awesomeness Index, our equation is

A = 1.25^t

And the green line below indicates the corresponding graph.

exponential beard

As you can see, no growth leaves you at your normal level of awesomeness.  After the one-month coaching course, you would be 1.25 times as awesome.  That doesn’t seem like a lot, but look at where the magic of exponential growth would take you by the end of a full year of beard growing.  You would be roughly 14.552 times as awesome as you were when the year began.  That’s nothing to sneeze at, my friend.

So what are you waiting for?  Don’t let another day go by without progressing toward your Year Beard and your explosive awesomeness growth.  Get growing!


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