Your Beard and Online Dating

I recently received the following email via the contact link here at The Beard Coach.

I’ve been online dating and am scared to message a guy because in one of his
pictures he has a long goatee but no mustache. Please tell me what that may mean. He
is a doctor by profession and claims to love live music, he’s very athletic. Is this
beard normal or is this just some rocker look that he is going for?

I, of course, replied favorably and explained to this lady that a long goatee is nothing to be afraid of.  The crucial piece of info is that the guy loves live music.  He’s just a doctor that likes to cut loose and rock out when he’s not diagnosing Crone’s disease or gout.  Heck, even I used to wear the longish goatee and no moustache when I was a bassist back in the day.

When this lady mentioned a long goatee, this guy was the first person to pop into my head.

scott ian

Scott Ian from Anthrax!  This dude is not just some part-time rock doctor.  He is a living thrash guitar legend.  But is he a nice guy if you met him online?  My friend Wikipedia says yes.  He is married to Meat Loaf’s daughter and is about to have a baby.  He’s a damn family man.  He’s also big into Battlestar Galactica, which makes him slightly nerdy as well.  Ladies, if you meet a guy who looks like this online, try to see past the long goatee and into his heart.

But, gentlemen, if you really want to avoid online dating confusion, just put a fully-bearded pic in your profile.  People know what to expect from the fully bearded.  There’s no ambiguity.  If a lady sees a full beard, she knows she’s getting a self-reliant, confident, deep-thinking man.  Try my advice and see if the contacts don’t start rolling in.


  1. You can tell it’s a typical American woman from the fact that she’s splitting hairs (pun intended) over a guy’s facial hair – which is a natural endowment from God and a secondary sexual characteristic intended to distinguish the genders – rather than focusing on his profession, profile description, or his writing skills (to be determined, since she hasn’t even given him a chance).

    In short, don’t date American white women. Get a quality one overseas.


  2. This doesn’t go exactly with your article, but I thought I would mention that a nice thing about having a long goatee is that they can (in my case at least) be rolled up and made to look like a standard looking goatee.

    I’ve had mine for about 16 years and most of that time I kept it short (between 1/8″th to 1″ in length), but since last fall I’ve been just turned it loose. I’d been wanting to trim it, but I couldn’t get myself to do it. Now I’ve decided to keep it.

    I think I look best with it at 1″-2″, but I’m finding this 5″-er-and-growing tail of hair too interesting to kill. That’s why I found a way to roll it up. I keep changing my method, but this is what seems to work:

    1) I grab a small clump from the lowest part of the neck and tie it up with a rubber band close to the skin. This is to create an anchor point used later. I bought special small black rubber bands for this purpose in the hair accessories department of my grocery store.

    2) I grab all of the goatee, smile wide (helps with shaping), pull the hair down, and then fasten it all together with a rubber band at a point 3/4″ or so below my chin.

    3) I then use a rubber band on the ponytail that was created in the previous step to squeeze the puffy ponytail down into a “stick” of hair.

    4) I then fold that squashed ponytail up into a hair nub, then I hold it together with a rubber band.

    At this point I have a regular looking goatee with a little ball of hair attached at the bottom.

    5) I then run a small black ziptie through the base of that anchor created in the first step, and then use it to squeeze that hair nub against my neck. Then I nip off the stub of the zip tie.

    Of course there’s a bunch of tiny details that you’ll learn through trial & error, but I finally got it and can now pass as a mere mortal with a standard goatee or unleash it and let it flow!

    The problems with doing this is that you probably have to have a goatee that’s at least 3″ long, and getting through that middle phase might be too much of a hassle for some.

    Another problem is that while the black rubber bands and zip ties blend in with my hair, they won’t with blondes, grays, or redheads. I think craft stores might be a place that would sell colored zipties and maybe Sally’s beauty supplies would have colored rubber bands.

    I shave my head so I’m unfamiliar with hair accessories. In my first few attempts I tried using hair pins, but I found them to be completely useless. Eventually I got inspired to look outside the hair accessories department (a place foreign to me) and look at Lowe’s (a happy place I am comfortable with) and came up with the tip-tie solution! I think I may eventually be able to skip out on the zip tie and use the rubber band of that anchor point instead.

  3. “Self reliant, confident, deep thinking man” You nailed the description to a tee.

    As for guys who grow super long full beards you can add
    patient, determined, steadfast, and loyal.

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