It’s time once again for one of the most important posts of the year. Maybe the most important. We bearded men can feel a bit restricted when Halloween rolls around. No Frankenstein’s monster. No Dracula. Certainly no cross dressing. What’s a real man to do?
Maybe dress as one of these amazing characters. You know… the ones that other people have to buy terrible fake beards for.
#1 Grizzly Adams
- Fur Coat
- Thermal Underwear shirt (henley style)
- Brown wool pants
- Bear tooth/claw necklace
- Long hair wig (probably)
If you’re like me, you have a beard, are named Adam, and you get called this by pretty much every person over 35 that you meet. You may as well go for it, dude! The costume should be pretty easy to pull togther from a trip to the thrift store. Just don’t forget that your beard is basically the star of this costume. You can comb in some sticky hair gel and then dust with cornstarch to add some gray streaks to it. Oh and don’t forget to do like Griz Ad and frickin part your beard!
#2 Uncle Jesse
- Red cap (ear flaps preferred)
- Tan work shirt
- Denim overalls
- Beard-graying materials mentioned above (if needed)
If you read “Uncle Jesse” and thought of Stamos, you are the wrong person for this costume. We’re talking the original Uncle Jesse – played by the great Denver Pyle – the lovable curmudgeon from Hazzard County, people! This one is a three-item special. There’s pretty much no reason not to throw this costume together for Halloween. Get your girl to dress up like Daisy Duke and you’ve got a couples costume that will surely please. Or get your clean shaven friends to be Bo and Luke. Hell, have a Dukes-themed party any time of the year!
#3 Grigori Rasputin
Sometimes a bearded guy needs a creepier costume instead of a hilarious one. Rasputin has one of the most insane life stories you will ever hear about. Basically the guy supposedly had magic healing powers, was caretaker of the Tsar’s frequently-ill kids and BFFs with his wife, slept with too many women, drank way too much, and had to be killed multiple times in a row like Jason or Freddy. What??? Legendary.
#4 Peter Griffin From The Episode Of Family Guy Where He Grows A Beard And Birds Nest In It
- Green slacks
- White button-up shirt
- Round glasses
- Blanket for stuffing (amount may vary)
- Fake (or real) baby birds
This episode of Family Guy is a classic! People will instantly crack up at this costume, guaranteed. Like the others, it’s pretty easy to assemble as well. Note that I listed a blanket rather than a pillow for fat stuffing. Based on my past experience of dressing as a fat middle-aged woman from a Richard Simmons workout video, I can attest that wrapping a blanket around your midsection is much more realistic looking than just a pillow stuffed in the front. One more important tip… when affixing the birds to your beard, avoid the hot glue gun.
#5 Hacksaw Jim Duggan
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! What child of the 80s doesn’t fondly remember ol’ Hacksaw Jim Duggan? This guy is the epitome of classic WWF wrestling. Chants of “U-S-A” echoing from the rafters of the arena as he stomps his way down the aisle, American flag over one shoulder and a 2 by 4 over the other… Hacksaw jumps into the ring, lifts his right thumb high into the air and lets out his Hacksaw Howl… “HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” He was always the guy taking on the Iron Sheik or any other character from a country we were being conditioned to dislike. You could always count on Hacksaw to line up in his three-point stance and deliever the final blow, vanquishing the enemies of the good ol’ U S of A.
If for some reason, you don’t think these are the hit bearded costumes of the year, check out last year’s ideas. Pick your favorite, suit up, and have a great Halloween!