Let’s face the cold truth.   A lot of guys have patchy beards.  Beards that they are not exactly pleased with.  Beards they wouldn’t write home about.  Now, I have a deep love for all beards, thick and thin, but having a patchy beard is a huge deterrent to growing one for a lot of guys.

In an effort to find biological reasons for your patchy beard, and hopefully a nice natural fix, I researched many scientific articles that frankly were a bit over my head.  But I’m a pretty smart guy, and I was able to take away some info and distill it down to the essential reasons why your beard is lackluster compared to the norm.  Hopefully you will take away a better understanding of your frustrating situation and also some hope that the rapid progress in genetic research will someday create a solution.

To the science!

Beard hair growth, unlike the growth of head hair or other facial hair, like eyelashes, depends on compounds called androgens. Androgens are responsible for what are considered masculine features.  The most famous androgen is our old friend we learned about in middle-school health class, testosterone.

Testosterone fueled your conversion from a boy to a man and took you through those hellish emotional changes and awkward physical changes we all had to suffer through.  Now that you are an adult, your manly hormone keeps your muscles firm and useful and keeps your sex drive at a normal level. It is also beard food.

Inside each of your follicles is a structure called the dermal papilla.  The dermal papillae are kind of like the “brains” of your hair follicles.  The ones in your beard follicles respond to the messages that your androgens send and cause the surrounding parts of the hair follicles (called the hair matrix) to do their thing and make some damn beard hair.  Guess what androgen tells the beard hair follicles to activate the hair matrix?  Yep, testosterone.

So why not simply partake in some extra testosterone?  Number one, it’s a controlled substance in the United States.  Number two, there are other factors at work here that are sabotaging your beard growth.

When the dermal papillae of your beard follicles utilize testosterone, they actually metabolize it and create another androgen as a byproduct called dihydrotestosterone.  This substance is like the bigger, stronger brother to testosterone.  It contributes to male characteristics, just like wimpy old regular testosterone, just a lot more.  It didn’t just kick start your pubescent transition to an adult male, it is pretty much the reason that you developed as a male in the womb.

To utilize testosterone and create dihydrotestosterone, your beard follicles need yet another substance, an enzyme called 5-alpha-reductase.  This enzyme is necessary for this conversion, and if you have low levels of it, then you have low levels of dihydrotestosterone.  More importantly to the topic at hand, if you don’t have enough 5-alpha-reductase, the dermal papillae of your beard follicles can’t properly use testosterone to tell your hair matrices to make hair.  And if your beard hair matrices aren’t making hair, you aren’t growing a beard.

In case you got a bit lost in the science back there, let me summarize.

Each beard hair is like a little plant whose “seed” is buried within each follicle.  Your beard seeds need testosterone and an enzyme to grow.  The testosterone is like the water and the enzyme is like the germ inside the seed that takes the water and uses it to grow.  Too little water means too little growth, but more importantly, if there’s no germ inside the seed, there’s no way anything is sprouting.

So what’s a guy with too little 5-alpha-reductase to do?  The good news is that it is already the subject of much pharmacological effort.  The bad news is that those efforts are currently working toward the goal of reducing the 5-alpha-reductase levels in normal men.  Why in the world would they do that?  Because of the dihydrotestosterone that it helps produce.  You see, in the crazy mixed-up world of hair, too much dihydrotestosterone causes male pattern baldness!  Yes, the more likely a man can grow a beard, the more likely he will eventually go bald.  Elevated dihydrotestosterone levels may also contribute to an enlarged prostate and even prostate cancer.  Hence the current 5-alpha-reductase inhibitors on the market today.

But take heart, you patchy-bearded soul.  If a medicine can reduce the level of an enzyme, then there’s no reason one couldn’t be created to increase the levels instead.  Maybe an intrepid reader of The Beard Coach will one day start a foundation to fund the development of such a drug.  Until then, don’t fret.  Your patchy beard doesn’t make you less of a man.  You lack no testosterone man fuel.  You simply suffer from a medical condition that one day in the glorious future may be cured.  Then you can gladly take your beard pills and finally grow a one you can take home to Mom.

Sources:
http://www.nature.com/jid/journal/v98/n6s/abs/5612065a.html

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9804329

http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/119302972/abstract

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5-alpha_reductase

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Androgen

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dihydrotestosterone

(Note: I am not a dermatologist and there may be giant errors in my understanding.  If any real dermatologists read this, please comment below with your insights. Thanks!)

The gods of the beard were smiling on me today, my friends.  I had one of those experiences that makes me thankful for the easy access to the hoards of information that the Internet provides. I present to you a primary source directly from the waning of the last heyday of the beard.

When the author of the editorial below sat down at his desk next to his coal stove, probably in a three-piece woolen suit, pen in hand, to write his beard story, he surely dreamt of the immense readership he would reach by writing to the New York Times.  Well, dear Author, your passionate tale of the rise and fall of your beard will now be seen by untold millions.  They will all celebrate the passion with which you eschewed the mainstream shaving society.  They will all mourn your beard’s tragic demise.  And my hope as Beard Coach is that they will find inspiration, not only in your bold leap into beardedness, but the pervasive sadness that fills the words describing your defeat.

Click the article below to read this true 19th century beard epic…

This round of my beard interview series is an extra special one.  This gentleman has been interviewed by and mentioned in major media outlets like Vice Magazine, The Los Angeles Times, and The San Francisco Chronicle.  He also wrote a guest article for ESPN.com.  Below you are going to read my interview with beard royalty – The King of Beards – Jack Passion.

For those of you who haven’t heard of Jack Passion, the first thing you should know is that he is the reigning champion of the Full Natural category at the World Beard and Moustache Championships.  And for those of you that haven’t heard of the WBMC, you can read about it at the offical website.  Very briefly, it’s a beard and moustache contest held every two years in a different host country.  It’s like the Olympics for beards… and Jack Passion is a two-time champion in his “event,” winning in 2007 and 2009.

The second thing you should know about Mr. Passion is that he has published a book entitled The Facial Hair Handbook, and if any man is qualified to write a handbook for facial hair, it is he.

Onward, intrepid beard fans!  To the interview!

The Beard Coach: Let’s start with a two-part question.  When did you decide to grow an extreme beard and when did you realize that you and your beard could attain a certain level of fame?

Jack Passion: I started growing facial hair early, and big sideburns were my style for my formative years.  Growing up, facial hair was definitely part of my identity.  I actually began growing a beard with the intention of shaving/grooming it into another design, but the beard came in great, so I went with it. It wasn’t until I went to Berlin for the 2005 World Championships that I realized facial hair was something I should take seriously.  Since then, it’s become my day job, and I love my job.

TBC: I would love your job too!  I’d say Beard Ambassador is many a bearded man’s dream job…  Tell us more about the World Beard and Moustache Championships.  How did the feeling of winning your first championship compare to your second win?

JP: Both were, and still are, of equal standing.  I have the most beautiful beard in the world, which I learned in Brighton, and confirmed in Anchorage.  It feels really good.

TBC: Do you plan to defend your title in 2011?

JP: I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I would love to make the trip to Norway…  We’ll see how it pans out.  Are you going to make it?

TBC: If I could scrounge up enough money, I would love to go for the camaraderie, but I doubt I’d compete… certainly not in the Natural category.  On the topic of competition, do you have any beard rivals at the WBMC?

JP: I love to win, but I treat beard competitions more like facial hair appreciation conventions than I do all out war.  My name is Passion; I’ve got nothing but love!   For beards, competition, my bearded brothers, and travel…  However, politics and misunderstandings have definitely left me with a few rivals.  It’s truly sad that even with something as fun and lighthearted like a beard competition, people can get upset and act like children.  That said, I offer no apologies for my successes, nor should anyone else for theirs.

TBC: Bold words from a boldly bearded man.  How do you feel about your category at the WBMC, the Full Natural? Some would argue that it is the purest category and thus the most important.  What’s your take?

JP: I feel like it’s definitely a beard contest with Full Natural.  With the styled categories, you’re accepting an award for the work of a stylist.  Furthermore, I feel like those outlandish designs just perpetuate the unfair stereotypes that beards are for weirdos and freaks.  I’m all about well-groomed, healthy beards, and Full Natural celebrates big healthy beards!  I’m not going to be the one to say any category is more important than any others, but Natural Full Beard is always the biggest category (and therefore the most competitive), and it is “pure” in the sense that it’s just you and your beard.  It definitely resonates with most of the reasons I wear a beard.

TBC: Moving on from the championships… you have your own damn page on Wikipedia.  How does that feel?

JP: It feels great!  If I didn’t love the attention, I would just shave my beard off!

TBC: Yes, I think we all enjoy the attention a fine beard attracts.  And that is one attention-getting red beard, my friend. What’s your ancestry like?  Any other bearded men?

JP: I wrote an addendum in my book about my personal journey and experiences with facial hair, so I won’t ramble the story here, but there is some extreme red facial hair in my ancestry that I never met, only hear about.  Additionally, I’ve never seen my father without a mustache.  That’s the way it should be.

TBC: Without giving away too much of the material from your book The Facial Hair Handbook, talk about the level of care that goes into your luxurious beard.

JP: That’s definitely one of the reasons one would want to pick up the book.  Beard care extends far beyond application of product, or daily grooming routines.  The book has five “laws” of facial hair, one of which being that beard care is a defensive game.  Approach, mind state, diet, exercise…  All of these are important to good beard care.  Thanks for calling it luxurious!  And that’s a GREAT point.  Men, treat your beard like a fine fur.

I spend a great deal of time on my beard, as should any man with facial hair.  The idea that a beard is a sign of laziness can only have been started by someone who never had a beard!

TBC: Very true.  Or at least someone who has never worked toward a longer beard style.  For guys that are interested in growing a beard, there’s a lot of free beard care info floating around out there.  What sets The Facial Hair Handbook apart?

JP: I’ve been doing this full-time for a while now, and even with all the advice available for free on the Internet, we’ve still got a lot of bad beards, itchy beards, and men quitting their facial hair experiments and returning to shaving.  My book recognizes the efforts we’ve made so far as a community of men who wear and promote personal style that includes facial hair, but it provides the necessary focus and voice that men have been missing.

Part motivational speech, part philosophical treatise, and part how-to guide, the thing I’m most proud about The Facial Hair Handbook is that it’s truly informational while still being fun and easy to read.  Any man can read this book, but like you, I really focus on guys who have been shaving and know in their hearts they should have hair on their face.  When they read the Facial Hair Handbook, they’ll have the knowledge to grow good facial hair and groom it such that it takes them up a notch style-wise.

I know facial hair, and over the last few years, I’ve come to know a lot about shaving as well.  My research and my accomplishments are proven; just look at my face!

TBC: It really leaves no doubt about your expertise.  So, obviously, you’ve already accomplished a lot in the beard realm.  Any world record aspirations?

JP: None actually, and c’mon, Hans Langseth set the bar REALLY high!

TBC: Or really low for that matter… Lastly, I like to ask everyone a general set of questions.  It’s entertaining to see the various views of people in the beard world. First, what is your take on the state of the beard today?

JP: This is one of the catalyzing reasons behind authoring the book:  The beard is at a critical point in history.  A lot of people are claiming that beards have made a comeback, but we’re not quite there.  The last 100 years have been an awful, media-induced, facial hair failure.  But the beard grows back, in all of us.  That’s a sign, and I think efforts like yours and mine are a huge step in the right direction!

TBC: Name your 3 favorite bearded people.

JP: All three spots would be filled with my bearded friends.  It’s great when famous people and historical figures have beards, but for me, knowing that I have friends that have the balls to be their own man is just so clutch.

TBC: Name the top 3 people you wish had a beard.

JP: 1.  President Obama.  A clean, close, well-groomed beard on the president would do wonders for the bearded climate.  I side with the Beard Coach on this one!!!  (coach’s note – go sign the petition!)

2.     Brad Pitt.  He has had great beards in the past, and continues to experiment with facial hair.  One thing about Pitt’s beards is that they’re always well-groomed such that you don’t even think “Oh my God, look at his beard!” you still just think, “There’s a handsome man doing well in the world.”  Same for George Clooney, Spencer Pratt, and almost any NHL player.  Both these guys can grow such great beards, it’s just a shame that they don’t always wear them.  Same for all men:  If you got it, flaunt it!

3.  Every man who wants to grow one!

TBC: Why do you think people enjoy beards?

JP: Beards are honest and authentic.  They set us apart, just like markings on animals.  The time required to grow one precludes it from ever being a gimmick, but it definitely becomes a fun conversation piece.  It’s part of becoming a man, a ritualistic passage once revered, now oft ignored.  Why do people enjoy boobs?  I think people enjoy beards for many of the same or similar reasons.

TBC: Much of my site is devoted to beard-growing motivation. What is your best advice for guys who are currently growing a beard?

JP: Get my book.  Shameless plug, or killer advice?  I wrote my book for the legions of men who want to grow and wear facial hair but don’t know how to, or end up shaving when a girlfriend or boss tells them to shave, or give in when it starts to itch.  Facial hair used to be a way of life, but as a culture, we’ve collectively “forgotten” the good techniques, if you will.  Remind yourself what it means to look like a man with The Facial Hair Handbook.  I promise it will change your life as a man, with or without facial hair.

I should note that we’re doing a promotion for Movember.  (Even though it’s for mustaches, it’s still a great cause).  Any Facial Hair Handbook you buy donates $1 to Movember!

TBC: Well, that wraps up the interview.  Huge thanks to Jack Passion for contributing his thoughts and story to The Beard Coach.  It’s cool to see how closely our attitudes toward beardedness and our methods for promoting it align.  If his beard doesn’t inspire you, then I’m afraid you have completely lost touch with your inner man.

If I were looking for help growing a beard, there are two things I would do immediately.  Buy the World Beard Champion’s Facial Hair Handbook and sign up for the motivational beard growing e-course right here at The Beard Coach.  Just enter your info below and get growing!

I’m really on the fence about this Swedish ad for McDonald’s coffee. On one hand, I love to see this guy popping out of his own beard. On the other, I have a general distaste for all things McDonald’s.

Is McD’s mocking the beard here or are they pro beard?
Are they exploiting the counter-culture aspect of the beard to make their product stand out?
Is it just good clean fun?

I guess my overall reaction is positive since I generally love weirdness. If this commercial had been for a small company I might feel better about it… maybe really enjoy it. I’m just not sure I can comfortably let McDonald’s use the coolness of the beard for their profits.

What do you think?