Fake Beards for Halloween

pumpkin beard

Happy Halloween, everybody!  As you can see, I like to get in the spirit of the season by having a good old-fashioned pumpkin carving.  I think my friend above fits right in here at The Beard Coach, don’t you?

Halloween, for the beard fan, is filled with things that make him or her light up with delight, quite like a Jack o’ Lantern if you will.  It is a time for people of all ages and sexes to don fake beards.  Nothing tickles me quite like seeing a bearded six-year-old.  I think one reason is that it reminds me so much of the year that I dressed up as a pirate for my trick-or-treating adventure.

I’m not sure where they got the idea, but Mom and Dad gave me the best fake beard ever that year.  Sure the homemade pirate costume would have been sweet as it was, complete with silver spray-painted cardboard hook and Mom’s clip-on earring.  But the greatest part was definitely the fake beard.  Have I hyped it up enough yet?  I probably can’t.  It was that awesome.

As my Halloween treat to you, here’s how you can give any non-bearded person an amazing fake beard.

Materials Needed:

Any thick, sticky, edible substance (i.e. honey, corn syrup, molasses, sorghum)

Ground coffee (unused!)

Step 1: Wash and dry the beard-wearer’s lower face.  This is especially important for the kids.  You don’t want that Kool-Aid moustache peeking through the one you’re creating.

Step 2: Use your hands to apply the sticky foodstuff to the subject’s face where you want the beard to be.  Feel free to get creative.  Just be sure to look at where real beards fall on men’s faces.  Don’t get too high up on the cheek or too low on the neck.

Step 3: Use your hands to pat dry coffee grounds onto the now-sticky areas of the subject’s face.  Be sure to get a nice even coating.  Don’t skimp!  I recommend doing this outside or over a sink so that the excess grounds can fall where they may.  If you’re good, you could even try to catch the excess in your coffee maker’s basket and brew up a pot!

Step 4: Just try not to smile at the insanely good fake beard you just made.

Helpful Tips:

  • Don’t use your good coffee.  That’s for drinkin’! Get to the store and buy the cheap stuff.
  • Don’t send your child to trick-or-treat in bear country.  This is probably good all-around advice anyway.
  • Don’t be too obvious when smelling the bearded person’s face.  Because this beard smells amazing.

There you have it!  And you thought I only coached people on real beards.